I keep meaning to take some time to write. So that I can hash things out and examine them.
Okay. So here it is.
At the end of March, we’re doing a donor egg cycle in Cancun. During spring break, naturally. Because we are idiots.
And what do I think about it?
Well, the truth is that I’ve thought very little about it
since we made the decision. Before that, I worried and fretted and worried and
fretted. But now? Now that we’re doing it? I hardly ever worry about what it
all means.
And for me, worry-wart supreme, not to be worried is a little odd. I think it
all boils to me not believing that it’s going to work. Due to some amazing
fortuitous insurance stuff, we’ve realized that we can do this for very little
monetary output. So I don’t feel too attached to the outcome. Which is sort of
insane, if you think about it. (which, I don’t, apparently) In some ways, I’m
sort of doing this so that I can say to myself, “okay self, you tried your
level-best to give Z a sibling, now you are off the hook.” Which is a crazy
reason to inject yourself in the butt with Lupron, but, well, there it is.
So, on March 28th or 30th, I may or may not get pregnant. And I am so weirdly okay with either outcome.
Yours ambivalently,
PBfish
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