I should never underestimate my willingness and ability to complicate the crap out of everything.
Sometimes I meet people who blissfully walk through life making decisions without crippling guilt and worry. I really, really wonder what that feels like.
Okay, so here's the skinny. I'm now 39 years old. Mama to an awesome almost-6 yr old. And still I want more. I won the infertility lottery and got pregnant despite diminished ovarian reserve. And still I want more. Who the hell do I think I am, anyway?
We've mulled the adoption thing over. A lot. And worried about one child being born to us and one child being adopted and what that would feel like for the adopted child. And worried about birth family and integrating them into our family and what that would be like. And worried about dealing with the grief of adoption and what that would be like. And the ethics. A lot of worrying about the ethics.
And ultimately decided that domestic adoption isn't really the right choice for us.
And so I mulled over foster adoption. And worried about whether we were equipped to help a child who had been neglected and/or abused. And worried that taking on a child who might have those special needs would be onerous for our family and unfair to our existing child. And worried about dealing with a dysfuctional birth family. And the grief of adoption.
And ultimately decided that foster adoption might not be the right choice for us.
And now we have some money from an inheritance. And there is the option of doing IVF with donor egg. And lo, now I have more things to wonder and worry about!